When I was six months old my mother disappeared. She left my brother and me with the next-door neighbours. At the time my father was starting out as a businessman and for a while we were brought up by a nanny who badly abused us. My brother even more so than myself. One day my grandmother walked in on the nanny throwing my brother down the stairs so we moved in with her for a little while instead before moving overseas with my father.
We moved in to a new era where we went to country clubs, had maids and chauffeurs, no shortage of money and I was educated well. My father married a lady who he divorced when I was fourteen. She too could be violent at times. Travelling all around the world, my father was hardly ever there.
A Wrong Turn
Unfortunately, I went down the wrong road and ended up taking heroin when I was fourteen and I became addicted. At eighteen I was sent to a rehabilitation clinic in the UK. I tidied myself up and started working as a psychiatric nurse at first. I got a degree and started running pubs for the next eleven years. But I knew that something was wrong in my head and I got so depressed that I tried to take my life. I was later diagnosed with Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder. It affects your mood and I could be high one minute and five minutes later, hit the floor. I was put on heavy medication and signed off work.
At 30 I married a beautiful, lovely and gorgeous man. I had stopped drinking and doing drugs and was going to AA. I met a guy at AA and that was the point where I made a fatal mistake. I left my husband for him.
From Bad To Worse
The man was lovely at first but soon I was faced with really severe domestic violence. Some of the things he did were horrific and diabolical. He used to give me drugs but only what he thought I needed, I was never allowed to have control of anything. I wasn’t allowed to even go to the shops and he wouldn’t let me speak to my family. The verbal abuse was worse than the physical abuse though, because with physical abuse you can roll yourself into a ball and you know it’s going to end, that it’s going to finish. It’s going to hurt a lot but it’s going to end. The verbal abuse is 24 hours a day. You lose confidence in yourself and even your self-respect. Eventually I managed to get away from him with help from the Criminal Justice Intervention team but he found me a few times before I managed to get away.
In one refuge I was in, me and another girl were told that we had a flat to go to but we were trafficked into prostitution. You had to do what you were told to do or you got beaten. I had no choice. It took a lot for me to get out of that.
When I was told that I would have to come to the YMCA I burst into tears because my perception was that bad. I couldn’t even call my father and tell him. But I was so far from the truth, it was unbelievable.
A Fresh Start
I was a bit shocked at how much the YMCA does. I have a Support Worker and it’s nice to know that I have someone that I can talk to. I never thought that would be available. I thought I was just going to be left to get on with it. I love that the YMCA makes an effort by putting on social activities like quiz nights, pool competitions and trips away. I’m signed off work so the days can get long and boring. Even the food is top notch. At the end of the day you’re one stop away from the streets being here so you have to respect it.
When I arrived at the YMCA I was on different medication such as Methadone, Valium and sleeping pills. Eleven months later I have cut down or come off them completely. I have pushed myself. But it’s not just about me being strong but what happens around me as well.
Everyone has his or her own story to tell and I don’t think it matters where you’re from. I lived a privileged life but that doesn’t make me any different from someone that has slept on the street. I would love to help other women who have been through domestic violence and human trafficking. It would be a dream come true.
I came to the YMCA though domestic violence and I used to be embarrassed by it but I’m not anymore. I now walk with my head held high instead of looking at the pavement.
Tess, YMCA Surbiton
If you would like to support the work of YMCA LSW, you can make a donation, take part in one of our events or become a General Member